masami dating - Not good looking enough for online dating
From childhood, men have been brought up to be fierce competitors, to opt for the most risky jobs, to put themselves on the line, to accept rejection “like a man” and to always make the first move.This product of social conditioning rears its ugly head online even more so, as an average of seven men compete for the attention of one woman.
I have tried being with people I don’t find attractive – and I usually remain friends with very nice men I have tried to date but didn’t find attractive, and I’m afraid they don’t start growing on me. Have you come across this and do you think the reason I find so many men physically unappealing is because of something psychological? After all of your therapy, you are as self-aware as you can be, and yet it still seems to me that you have some significant blind spots about your problem.
Some of my friends think it’s do with the bar being raised…I’m quite attractive myself and I’ve had a lot of attention from the opposite of sex since I was about 13, including the “very good looking”, so perhaps it’s just knowing what I could have and that that’s influencing me? Now, first of all, I want to make it crystal clear: you are not alone.
And that is something I do – I look specifically for empathy.
And guess what…on those very rare occasions when the idea of kissing/sleeping with someone is not downright unappealing, they’re cold and narcissistic, and so I walk away.
Now to be honest, I’m not too bothered about finding someone in the next couple of years, I’m still young at 28 and my career is my priority right now, so I’m not in too much of a hurry, but the reason why it’s been bothering me is that I’m actually starting to worry that my family messed me up so much I’ll never be able to love anyone.
I’m therapied out and no longer diagnosable – I’ve made a massive recovery and feel extremely healthy – so I don’t think more therapy is going to suddenly make me find more men attractive.I’ve spoken before of the fact that I’m someone who becomes more attractive when you meet them. This means that, as far as online dating goes, I have to be more proactive. Unfortunately, most people aren’t willing to spend an hour or so to meet someone who be a 7, 8 or 9. The reason you don’t see more attractive people looking at your profile is because those attractive people looking at your profile. I only prefer to meet the people who take initiative. But I’d rather fewer, more quality options than chasing around people who have no intention of being caught. And the truth is that most people are average looking if not hideous trolls, and don’t have so many options as they believe – even guys who dissect body parts and provide criticism on blogs. I was pleasantly surprised when I showed up for a date a a little while ago and the guy looked completely different than his photos. In fact, he looked quite a bit like an actor I’ve swooned over for some time. Had he not contacted me, I probably wouldn’t have met him. As far as a one dimensional profile goes, I’m about a 5 or a 6. I would get a number of men who look at my profile two, three, five times. So the trick is finding people to whom you are a 7,8 or 9. While women may get an ego boost when they receive 30-100 messages in any given week, nobody really wishes to have that much admin to sift through.And when 80% of the messages are either, you can’t really blame them for not responding to most messages—even if you personalize your mails.However, I’m also aware having been through a lot of therapy after numerous and significant mental health difficulties (eating disorders etc.) that I tend to date cold or unavailable men and then not ask for more and maintain that emotional distance – essentially, I seem to have been in a habit of avoiding intimacy by going out with people I don’t find attractive, or more often than I’d like to admit, men who I know are gay before I even ask them out…otherwise they’re narcissistic or give mixed messages, or aren’t close in some way etc.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating